AM Static Jesus - Day 1

I have no clue how this is supposed to start so that people will pay attention to it. Ears to hear and all that. 

So, I think it's supposed to be done something like this. (Ahem)


"The Word of the Lord came to his bastard son Mark, saying I forgive thee in advance for alliterations or references to Screwtape, Monty Python, or others that may be interpreted as sacrilege by those who seek to find fault. For the real points & messages therein are true and worthy of consideration."

Ugh, you know. Why be pretentious, even though it's possible? There's a reason the KJV isn't used very much these days. So, just normal writing - right?  It was earlier tonight while attempting to repair an old radio that the "event" started. 

The radio wasn't even plugged in. It didn't have a cord. I had just installed a new power source. 

And yet....that AM hiss at night with the atmosphere. That faint static filled signal spoke to me as if by my own name. It kind of sounded like. 

    "Mark."

I tried my Eddie Murphy voice. "Who dis?" Nothing. 
Then I remembered Samuel as a boy and having nothing else to think of said "Uh, speak Lord thy servant heareth?" I'm still screwing around though. I'm trying to figure out how the sound is coming out of the radio anyway. Did the power source have a capacitor or battery on it? I got so focused on looking at the parts that I almost missed the sound. 

It was as soft as a whisper and I didn't have my hearing aids in. I assume it was maybe a coincidence, but I decide to turn the volume up. It was already at full volume. I thought maybe the station was off a bit as it was one of those old analog radios. I fiddled with the knob to try and adjust the signal. The knob was stuck. 

    "Mark."

Double blink gulp.Try knob again and it breaks off in my hand. 

    "Sit down."

Spinning & swoon into a comfortable position next to the radio. Still very static sounding. 

"We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?" I laugh. 
Something isn't right. At all. 

    "Mark, are you listening yet?" 

I have no screen. I have no keyboard. I have a broken knobbed 1960's table radio. There's no way a microphone has hopped inside in the last 5 minutes that I put this back together. 

I wonder to myself. Is this real? 

Look around and find 5 yellow things. Check. 
Crap. This is real. 

The practically deaf, unemployable... practically a conspiracy nut, who has wrestled with his faith his entire life. Who is among the walking wounded of Christianity.

I get some Static Jesus on AM. 

Clear throat. 

Ahem.

"Uh, so are you talking to me? I'm having a hard time hearing you."

    "Because you haven't been listening for a long, long time. It's gonna take a minute to tune back in. You are a hard man to reach. Certainly not a hard... 

    ...static....Don't you think?"

Panic. 

Gulp. Clear throat. 
Heart starts running PVC's. 

"Well...I didn't quite hear what you said. There was some static cutting in and I didn't hear all of what you said."

The voice suddenly came in quite clearly and loudly. Crazy atmospherics. 

    "Because White Snake started playing on an app on your phone, you focused away. You noticed it, turned the song off and at least admitted you didn't hear what I said. You don't listen; you can't hear. 

    What I said was you certainly aren't a hard man to find. But there can be advantages in that, don't you think?"

I sat back evaluating the situation for a moment. No reason to believe I've been spiked, stoned (not while using power tools)... no shrooms or anything else. Not prone to delusions. 

The Voice laughed. 

Like it knew I was running thru a checklist. 

"I DID!" boomed clearly again with one of those hearty voices that have iron and stone foundations. 

Holy shit. It's reading my mind - my literal thoughts in my own head. I didn't even utter a peep! - was my last thought of the day. Literally.  

"Peep" I hear him giggle, followed by more happy laughter - like I did when I played with my son as a young boy. His laughs not at me, but enjoying my confusion and curiosity and wonder. 

At that point, I am told I blacked out. 

And there was evening and there was nothing and it was the first day. 








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